I'm just ready to kill myself

I have crohns disease, uncontrolled and never achieved remission. I have applied and appealed for disability was rejected and told I got better. Meanwhile I just had emergency surgery resection of my intestinal tract. Which is quite literally a fresh hell as all the old dull spots are sharper and freshly irritated. I'm now homeless and I lost my wallet. I've got to start from the ground up and I don't want to!