Reflections on the birth of my son (kinda long and long-winded)

I don’t know that I’ve ever introduced myself properly on this sub. I tend to try and maintain my online privacy - I won't be posting pictures, sorry. :( But anyway. I’m 34 years old and a first-time mom. I had a low-risk pregnancy up until labour and planned a home birth. I know I’ve commented quite a bit and I’ve so enjoyed the support and sisterhood of this community. I’m not going to share my birth story, just what I learned from it. My labour was atypical and the things that happened uncommon, but I would have worried had I read it before I’d had a baby myself. If you would like to hear it I am happy to tell it, just PM me.

First off, my son is healthy and well. He was born at 41w3d. His APGARs were 9 and 9, he’s breastfeeding well though it was rough going for the first few days - a good lactation consultant can do wonders, don’t feel you have to do it alone. Once you get over someone manhandling your boobs, it can be really helpful. Try not to be too hard on yourself, have patience. If you need to supplement, don’t feel like a failure, you’re doing what is best for your baby.

If you can have a doula for your labour, I highly recommend one. However, you don’t want just any doula. You want someone with whom you can connect on a personal level, who will respect and support your decisions and wishes for your labour. Our doula was amazing, with us through everything, I don’t know that I could have done it without her. I so full of gratitude for her. Don’t “settle” for one you’re “okay” with - this is someone who will be sharing one of the major events of your life intimately. I think this should apply to your OB and/or midwife, too, honestly. You are putting your life and your child’s life into their hands.

I love my son more than anything. I love my husband now more than I ever thought possible. He was my champion during labour. He held on to me during the worst contractions, wept with me, talked me through it even though I really only knew afterwards how hard it was for him, too. Seeing him as a father is the great joy of my life. I know he sees me differently now too. We went through something profound that changed us and our relationship forever - ultimately brought us closer together.

Throughout my labour, I just kept thinking “How is it possible? Every human that exists is here because a woman went through this experience.” It blows my mind. Throughout my labour, but especially reflecting on it after, I was/am amazed at my ability to dig deep and rally during times of frustration and exhaustion. I have never done anything so difficult. I can’t even articulate how hard it was but I DID IT because in the moment it was all I could do. Mothers are the unsung superheroes of the world. I have a new respect for my own mother, for every woman I know who is a mother, and for every choice every mother makes for their labour and baby, whatever those choices are. PLEASE honour yourself and other mothers. It’s not smugness or vanity. It is the power of creation and that’s not a little thing. I am humbled to be part of this “club” but I know I damn well earned it. But I also have massive respect for those who choose not to bear children - it is a decision that will change your life forever.

You can’t be prepared for everything, but you have to be ready to take on whatever gets thrown at you. Trust your intuition, get all the facts, make those impossible decisions - you can do it. You WILL do it.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far! I hope this is beneficial to you whether you are close to your due date or still just in the early stages. I wish you all safe and fulfilling labours, healthy babies and the overwhelming love that comes with them.