Husband demands wife (on maternity leave 5 weeks after giving birth) have dinner ready when he gets home from work
*I am not OP, OP is* [*AITA for refusing to cook dinner?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wvbjlu/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_dinner/) *posted by* u/AITAexhaustedwife
mood spoilers: >!Hopeful ish!<
**AITA for refusing to cook dinner?** \- Posted 1 Day ago
obviously a throwaway because my husband enjoys spending time on reddit.
I (F23) have been married to my husband “John” (M24) for a year now. And recently (aka five weeks ago) we welcomed our first baby (F).
I’m currently on maternity leave, which my husband has interpreted it as me being a Stay at Home Mom instead of taking time to rest before I needed to return to work.
I don’t really mind it too much, since cleaning my house is soothing for me, and a good distraction from my sleep deprivation (lol). I’ve always been this way, and John does still do his share of household chores. (He does most of the outdoor work and he’ll sweep/vacuum).
But recently, he’s been riding me about not having dinner ready when he gets home. He works from 8-5:30, so it’s not a completely unreasonable time for dinner, but it’s not like I can just stop taking care of our daughter to cook him a meal. I can usually talk him down, and he’ll watch daughter while I cook.
A few days ago, however, he came into the house and began berating me for not having dinner “ready and waiting” so he could just “walk in and sit to eat”. I was actively changing my daughter’s diaper while he went on this rant.
He went as far as to say that he “put up” with my laziness for long enough and that I needed to do my job properly.
I didn’t say anything to him at that moment. I went and cooked dinner, and he seemed pretty proud of himself for winning the conversation. But I only have a few more weeks to stay home with my baby girl, and I’m not going to have that stomped on because of my husband.
So ever since that day, I go to my mom’s house for dinner. (She’s totally okay with this btw). I don’t cook anything for John, and I’m already at my mom’s by the time he gets home. I still clean at home and keep the house tidy, but I don’t cook dinner.
John has been furious with me, and has been telling me that I’m an AH for leaving him to starve. I just want to have a peaceful environment before I have to go back to work, so Reddit, am I the AH?
Relevant comments:
(From OOP)
>he does know that he can’t really trap me. I have the higher income (and higher savings) plus a sister on the opposite side of the country. I do not want it to reach that point, but if it does.. he knows all those things. And he has never spoken to me like this before. Ever. We met when I was 13 and he was about to turn 14.
​
>I have talked with him. I told him that I’m doing my best with daughter and cleaning the house, and sometimes I can’t just start making dinner. He seemed understanding when we talked, even said he would make sure to help me out.
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[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/user/AITAexhaustedwife/comments/ww2o4d/update_aita_for_refusing_to_cook_dinner/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) \- Posted 9 hrs ago
hey, so thanks for all your responses and all the advice on my post yesterday.
John and I sat down together this evening, and the first thing he said was that he was sorry. He said that he was sorry for the way he had been talking to me and that he understood why I did what I did.
(He also told me he saw my Reddit post, ah oops).
He informed me that there was a rumor spreading around his workplace that they were planning on laying off a lot of people, and he freaked out. He didn’t want to end up unemployed because he wanted me to be able to have my full maternity leave, and also didn’t want to force us to dip into our savings accounts. So, he was working through his lunch and was coming home without having eaten anything since 7am that morning. (cause of the insane crankiness)
And unfortunately, the rumors were true, and he ended up being laid off. So, he’s unemployed. (Which means he didn’t actually go to work today. He went to his sisters house - and yes, I called her and confirmed that he was actually there all day).
He told me that what was going on wasn’t an excuse, and that his behavior towards me was unacceptable.
(btw I did reach out to my MIL + FIL and they gave him an earful this morning, SIL did the same)
He admitted that he was jealous he couldn’t spend the same kind of time with daughter, and that it his jealousy was coming out in those ways. (He is absolutely enamored with daughter and wants to be more present to bond while she’s still a newborn)
I told him that I needed him to see a therapist. I needed him to talk to a professional about how he’s been feeling, and I will do the same. We’re currently looking for one (maybe a different one for me) covered under my insurance from work.
I told him that until he has had a couple sessions, I am going to be staying at my parents home. It’s not necessarily a matter of distrust, but I believe he needs to talk to someone and be in charge of himself for a little bit. I told him that I have no intention of keeping daughter from him, but I believed it was best to remove myself from our home for a little while.
He agreed to all of these things.
(and my wonderful parents/ILs told us they’ll help handle our bills until I’m back to work)
So that’s where we are. John is going to try being a SAHD when I go back to work and has already enrolled in some online classes at a local community college.
MIL sent him some of their family recipes as well, so John is going to be handling dinner from here on out so he can get better at cooking.
I understand that many of the people in the comments were telling me to divorce him, or leave, but I don’t think I’m ready to give up on our marriage just yet. I have a lot of people in my corner, including my ILs. Daughter and I will be okay. If this behavior starts up again, I won’t stick around and hope it’ll turn out like this again. I’ll go stay with younger sister (she’s in state - I was recommended against leaving the state with daughter in the case of desire for divorce) until I can get a lawyer.
If there are any other big changes, I’ll update you all again, but for now, thank you, and goodbye.
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**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** I marked it conclusive since OOP says goodbye.