People Really Hate To Hear You Refer To Yourself As "Broken"

There are two words that are very important to me when I talk about myself and my trauma. And these two words trigger the everloving fuck out of most non-CPTSD people:

* Broken * Victim

I can so seldom get through to people, to tell them it's extremely NOT what I want when they push back with "No, you're strong!" "No, you're valid!" "No, you're deserving!""No, you're a survivor!" "No, you're \[INSERT ANY NUMBER OF FEEL-GOOD DESCRIPTORS\]!"

Yes, I fucking know I am all of those things. I am also deeply broken. I am also a fucking victim.

I respect the needs and desires and thoughts of traumatized folks who don't need or want those labels. This is not a post about how all of us are Broken or all of us are Victims. This is not a post about how all of us are fucked and hopeless.

But for once I just want **anyone** to accept that something has gone deeply wrong with me. What happened to me broke me. I am a victim. I cannot be saved or repaired, I cannot be put back, I cannot outgrow what happened to me. I can accept those things, but it's just too uncomfortable for others to hear and reckon with.

I cannot "fight" it, I am not "strong enough," because the people who "lose" their fight with their trauma aren't fucking weak. It's not that they didn't want it badly enough. It's not that they didn't just think positively.

I am broken. I am also deserving of a better life. I am a victim. I am also worthy.

And if you also feel that way, I see you. I fucking see you.