My nightmare at Pax Animalis Tierkrematorium Darmstadt
TW for obvious reasons.
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I needed to share this because it just weighs so heavily on my heart and mind, and maybe it could help somebody else in making a decision. I'm sorry to shit on their very good reputation like this but it just isn't right at all.
A week ago I lost my little girl Lucy, my eight and a half year old cat. She moved here with me from the US three years ago. Her illness and passing was a nightmare in itself, but another one followed at Pax Animalis.
Firstly, the man who called to start the arrangements was extremely kind and respectful, and we had full confidence in their services. But unfortunately that does nothing to make up for the mistake they made.
Yesterday we were scheduled to collect her ashes, her paw imprints in foam, and a glass vial of her beautiful fur. Before we set off, they called to ask if our cat was black and white (she was NOT) because they mixed up some vials of fur. This already made me sick, and I was practicing in my head on the way there what I would say to them in person about how terrible that was. I'm not 100% fluent in German but I knew what I wanted to say.
Unfortunately the reality turned out to be even worse. The woman there showed me a vial of fur she thought could be ours, but it was not at all. I asked to check all the vials they had. She showed me three and none of them belonged to my Lucy. So she said rather nonchalantly they may have forgotten to save any of her fur, as we requested.
Then we were supposed to choose her urn, and we went into the room where her ashes were displayed nicely in a box, with her paw imprints and some roses and candles. This might have been some kind of tender moment for us, if my mind were not spinning with thoughts about the missing fur and whether these paw prints could even belong to my Lucy.
It kills me inside, because when she died, I had the chance to cut some of her beautiful long fur to save, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to "make her ugly", as my brain kept putting it. And I felt such relief in that moment, seeing the application form for Pax Animalis had the option for the fur in a glass vial. I thought it would be perfect for them to do this service for us, rather than me walking out of our vet's office with an envelope of hair (that didn't seem healthy for me, mentally). I didn't do it right then and there because we requested it on the application.
Anyway, I went through the process at Pax Animalis yesterday shaking. The woman did offer the paw imprint foam for free as an "Entschuldigung". And she asked if we had any fur at home (I think she was offering an empty glass vial, maybe for free), but I said no. Anyone with a long-haired cat must know that the fuzz they leave on the rug is nothing at all like the beautiful fur on their bodies.
After my husband paid the 351ā¬ for the cremation and urn, I felt compelled to speak up. This is the conversation I had with the woman:
"Excuse me, but how should I even know the paw prints are from my cat?"
She said, "They are from your cat."
I repeated, "But how should I know that, when you have already mixed something up?"
She answered, "Because I did them myself."
This caught me off-guard, so I just said, "OK", though in retrospect I wonder how she wouldn't remember within just a few days that Lucy was NOT black and white.
And then I tried my best German to say, "But this isn't right. A person should not have to answer the telephone and be asked whether their dead cat was black and white. This shouldn't happen." You see, that's as much as I rehearsed in my head before, and I never planned what to say about the fact they fucked up the chance to save my little girl's fur before it was too late forever.
All she said was, "Es tut mir leid" one single time and then nothing else. I collected my urn while shaking and sobbing, and we left in silence.
I understand this was uncomfortable for the woman there, but I have seen people more apologetic for messing up a lunch order.
I think we deserved better. Lucy was loved and is greatly missed. Her family wanted to remember her as best as possible, with the services that they offered, including our last possible chance to keep a bit of her beautiful fur.
I almost want to feel bad for writing this, as they are so highly reviewed, and the man who first called was kind and helpful. But nothing about his good work can make up for the awful mistake they made, which can never ever be fixed.
I thought bringing her ashes home would be a somber yet peaceful event. But instead I could hardly sleep at night as the whole situation tormented my mind.
My little broken family deserved better than that. I will regret for the rest of my life that I couldn't cut off her hair myself, when that should not be something I blame myself for. ***They should have done their job correctly before cremating a beloved pet.*** And it feels sick to even write much about this, but I think there might always be a "what if?" in my mind about her ashes and paw prints too. And literally nobody deserves that.
Thank you for reading.