MDMA - People told me but I didn't listen

I'm in a deep depression. But for some reason I only now came to conclusion. I remember waking up the day after I took it believing I had cancer or a neurodegenetive disease. I was doing it every weekend in extremely high doses and now my serotonin receptors are completely fried. First time I took it was roughly a year ago due to my ex introducing it. For me, personally, though it isn't classified as addictive it was. Maybe due to my autism, and the fact I could actually be open. Now, when I take it (last time was 1 week ago, 1.5g over 2 days). I was fine. I mean, I felt fine. But that's just MDMA talking. Hallucinated quite heavily and spent the next 2 days hearing music playing that wasn't actually playing. People told me not to abuse it but I did. Now I am on antidepressants so hoping they do the trick but I drink quite heavily now too.

Sorry, just wanted to get it off my chest. If you do MDMA for the love or god don't abuse it like I did, expecially combined with a narcissistic relationship. People did tell me, but I didn't listen because I had him in my ear telling me he's done this before and it's fine. It's really scary to see someone's face drop like they are having a stroke and go into acute drug induced psychosis. People tell me it's good I am so self aware, but that makes it harder. I literally have to build myself back up from scratch.

I know that my serotonin receptors are fried so I turn to alcohol to get dopamine. I'm just hoping that these antidepressants will work. :)

I'm on day 3. But I still have his voice in the back of my mind telling me antidepressants aren't a solution. For the first time today, he messaged asking for money and I told him to fuck off. Never done that before. I'm feeling proud. Don't need him in my life.

UPDATE I've got a supoort network but I still have his voice telling me I'm pathetic. I've reached out but the issue I face is I only reach out when drunk. I've never seem happy so I don't know what it really feels like, you know? I don't wanna go into psychosis.

Sorry typed this whilst heavily drunk. Sorry to rant lol just drugs are terrible sometimes. I didnt use them responsibly. Wish I never touched them.

Just don't wanna sliip Into psychosis. I'm stopped drugs except alcohol. I've drank 700ml of vodka today in like 6 hours. I don't wanna trigger anyone. Just wish I used drugs RESPONSIBLY.