MILITW: Who's the bride? or How a MIL Got Trolled by Father J.

This afternoon, I went to church with my husband. He's Catholic, I'm not, but if there's a special thing happening I will go with. We got married over 10 years ago in this church.

The elderly half-deaf priest was delighted when we asked about marrying there as he had quite an aging congregation and hadn't done a wedding in a number of years. He had a chat with the bishop and got us out of the 6 months of pre-marital counselling we'd have had to take because I'm not Catholic. He went out of his way to help us have the wedding we wanted, and steered my own lapsed Catholic mother (MildlyNo) and Very Catholic MIL and SIL (mainly BEC) away from a lot of the things that they annoyed me with during wedding planning. He's also a pastor for our county's police force, and my husband is a police officer for neighbouring county's force, so they'll usually have a quick chat about police stuff whenever they run into each other. We know him fairly well by now, and he's a lovely man that doesn't take any shit.

This afternoon, we're leaving church and elderly half-deaf priest is chatting to a middle-aged woman who is brandishing a mobile phone. I didn't catch the front end of the conversation, but what I did overhear was golden... [paraphrased for brevity, levity, and my own failing memory. It was only 15 minutes ago!]

MILITW: "But don't you see, Father, that it'll cause so much confusion!"

Father J: *loudly, in that way half-deaf people speak in order to hear themselves, and also loud enough to get the attention of everyone in a 50 metre radius* "I don't see how?"

MILITW: "Can you please just speak to my son? She's being childish!"

Father J: "I don't see the problem!"

MILITW fiddles with her phone and shoves it under his nose. "These people look like they're getting married! A bride and a groom and a whole churchful of guests!"

Father J genuinely looks confused.

MILITW: *pointing at picture on phone* "Well look, she looks like the bride! No one can mistake that it's a wedding, she's wearing a wedding dress!"

Father J: "well, clearly..." (still not entirely sure what she's on about)

MILITW: *gesticulates* "But [my FDIL] wants to wear that red thing! How will anyone know what's happening? They'll think she's a bridesmaid, not the bride! You have to speak to them, they'll listen to you!"

Father J: "[MIL], [FDIL] will be the one at the front of the church, getting married to [Son]. The one saying the vows. They're getting married in front of friends and family that *they* invited. If people aren't aware already that she's the one marrying [Son], you have bigger problems than the colour of her dress."

MILITW stomps off, elderly half-deaf priest catches my DH's eye, grins and sidles over. "She won't shut up about this girl's dress. Last week, she was on about how wearing red in church is an affront to God. But since today is St Ursula's, and she was widely recognised as a martyr..." He breaks off and flaps one hand to indicate his vestments. They're red. He and DH laugh.

DH explained on the way home that priests wear different colours for different liturgical events. Feast days for apostles and martyred saints are traditionally red. Fistbump, Father J.