[QCrit] Query Critique - Upmarket Thriller SON OF PAIN (70,000 words)

Hi all,

I'm actively in the process of querying a novel for the first time. I recently rewrote my query letter and would appreciate your feedback!

Dear xx,

I’m excited to share with you my upmarket thriller SON OF PAIN (70,354 words).

When aspiring novelist Max Aaronson meets Audrey Morelli, a beautiful yoga teacher, she invites him into Elysium, a spiritual community that isn’t what it seems. Hidden in the woods of Shelburne, VT, Elysium looks more like a Silicon Valley tech campus than a yoga studio. Audrey introduces him to Odysseus, Elysium’s charismatic leader, who speaks like a Greek philosopher and surrounds himself with tunic-wearing acolytes. Odysseus takes Max under his wing, promising to help him achieve his dream of becoming a famous writer. As Max becomes deeper enmeshed in the organization, he starts to suspect Odysseus’ intentions – but it’s too late.

Born Simon Harris in Stamford, CT, Odysseus is raised by a wealthy devoutly Catholic family and physically and sexually abused by his father. In 1987, at the age of 17, Simon decides to run away from home with his best friend, Anthony, to follow the Grateful Dead on tour, traveling across the country to San Francisco. Yet no matter how far away he runs from home, he can’t escape the pain that he carries inside of him. Simon becomes obsessed with the drug LSD, which offers him a temporary escape from his reality. As he experiments with the drug more, he begins to think he can use it as a tool to understand the mechanics of the universe. Simon’s obsession slowly evolves into something darker – a desire for complete control.

SON OF PAIN is inspired by a close brush I had with the sex cult Nxivm. In 2016, as I was searching for journalism jobs, I nearly accepted a position at The Knife of Aristotle, a company that advertised itself as an “ethical media watchdog.” I was prepared to relocate to Albany, NY to begin my work when my wife uncovered that the organization was connected to Nxivm. Fortunately, I dodged a bullet and instead only have this story to tell.