On Student Teaching With (Worsening) Chronic Illness (?)

Hey there!

I wanted to write this post to seek advice; see if there are any others here who are currently going through something similar to what I am currently dealing with.

So, I have a condition called fibromyalgia. If you don't know what that is, the best way I can describe it to you is that everything hurts. All the time, a thousand painful sensations that seem to have little rhyme, reason, or predictability. It's essentially like if you had a bad flu (and all the fatigue and ache that comes with it) for your entire life, mixed with a hearty dosing of cruel and unusual punishments. At least that's what it's like now. I also have CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome, that's more self-explanatory).

It was easier to deal with once upon a time. But then a year ago something triggered a spike in symptoms, and now... everything's wayyy worse. It's hard to find the energy to teach all day, five days a week. It is hard to lesson plan around flare-ups. It's hard even to keep my head above water day by day. I find I do everything last minute now. That is very unlike me. I like teaching; I enjoy seeing young eyes light up when I am able to show them something new. I love this line of work for the content. For the people. If I was an ordinary person I would probably want to do this for the rest of my life. But I find a body as sick as mine, at least right now, is barelyyy holding it together at all. I know I look like a terrible teacher; I'm so disorganized and scatterbrained (brain fog is terrible). I try to accommodate myself by sitting down literally whenever able; but that's rough in my second placement-- middle school. These kids demand a lot from me. My earlier placement (TESOL, small groups) was easier on the body and brain. This is actually killing me. I cannot do this much longer. Much less for the rest of my life. I don't know anymore if I'll be able to work full time at all.

At this point I am trying to just survive. My host teacher is... she's a lot. Expectations as high as Everest for me; obviously I struggle to meet them. I think she forgets how absolutely new at this I am. And while she knows I'm sick (I use a cane, can't exactly hide it), I don't think she understands how absolutely awful I feel all the time. And the toxic mindset in teaching-- to just push through everything with a grin, to overextend yourself constantly... It just doesn't work for someone like me. Teaching is TOO MUCH. For anyone. Full stop. And I've heard the spiel from everyone and their mother that "teachers don't get accommodations." Obviously.

I am no longer trying to be a 'good teacher.' I'm aiming for mediocre. Good-ish. Good enough. Aiming to pass. Aiming for graduation. I've been a chronic perfectionist my whole life, so that's a hard conclusion to come to. Try to understand. I've had to accept the fact that I simply can't know what kind of teacher I'd be if I weren't so sick. I didn't know this was the condition I'd be in now when I chose to major in this, that's for sure! Definitely feel I should've studied something else, but too late for that now. I'm gonna be taking over in a few weeks. I'm just praying that won't be a shit show.

Anyway, my point. Anyone else here with very low energy? What are your tips for making teaching more manageable? I intend to stick it out until May and get this degree, probably go into some adjacent field where I can sit and rest more. If anyone else here has or knows someone with an adjacent condition, what did they do to mitigate the effects of teaching on their body? Tips for classroom management? How to quiet a room of feral thirteen year olds while sitting? Any advice would be so appreciated!

All my love to the community; hopefully y'all are faring better than I right now! <3