Let Dr. Jacob stand as a warning

I've recently been doing a re-watch of the series and find it just as warm and charming as ever, but like many if not most of you I find not only the character of Dr. Jacob but the way he's treated to be a significant problem on the show.

As a quick summary for the few who might need it, Michelle Lasso started going to individual therapy during her marriage with Ted, seeing Dr. Jacob Brianson. At some point after that, Dr. Jacob became Ted and Michelle's marriage therapist. Ted and Michelle's marriage ultimately ended. A few years later, it's revealed to Ted that Dr. Jacob and Michelle have started dating, something they were hiding from him even as Dr. Jacob was around Ted and Michelle's son, Henry. Ted communicates his discomfort with this. Eventually, the three (Ted, Michelle, Dr. Jacob) appear to have some degree of agreement about this situation and move on.

We'll see if this is at all addressed in the upcoming fourth season.

I'm posting this thread because this situation isn't quite as fantastical as it might seem, and that most people's reaction to this situation as being deeply unethical and their almost visceral aversion to Dr. Jacob is almost certainly warranted. While therapy can be and has been an incredible tool for many people, and while I'm sure most therapists are ethical people who maintain appropriate boundaries with their patients, there are exceptions and warning signs.

What are the warning signs and what do they mean?

1) Individual to marriage therapy. While I'm unaware of any licensing which strictly prohibits an individual therapist transitioning to being a marriage therapist, it must be made clear that such a transition is rife with complications and must follow the most strict procedures, which is why many therapists won't do it. It's terribly difficult for a therapist to stay neutral, information and rapport is already well-established with only one party, there are serious questions of confidentiality, informed consent becomes complicated, and the effectiveness of the therapy can be compromised by trying to thread so many needles.

I'd call this a ***yellow flag*** in real life, just as it was within the fictional context of *Ted Lasso*.

2) Countertransference. While extensive training goes into a graduate degree in counseling psychology and additional supervised training goes into licensing, and all of that includes heaping amounts of therapy, there always exists the possibility that a therapist's own unresolved issues and conflicts (and needs and vulnerabilities and values and interpersonal patterns, etc.) can result in unconscious emotional reactions to and connections with a client. It's not a mistake to experience countertransference, in fact it can be normal and inevitable, but it needs managing. Clients strongly projecting emotionally onto therapists put said therapists into a position of incredible power, and if countertransference isn't managed this can result in emotional entanglements that can spin out of control. Sometimes this manifests as protective countertransference or a rescue fantasy, sometimes it's parentified, other times it can be competitive, and sometimes it can be based in anger and aversion. Sometimes, however, it can be what's called erotic countertransference, and this can lead to temptations to violate ethical standards. It's likely that Dr. Jacob experienced physical attraction, emotional attraction, over-identification, and maybe even engaged in a bit of rescue fantasy with Michelle. It also might be the case that some of the pitfalls in moving from individual to marriage therapy mentioned above resulted, as Ted suspected at one point, in Dr. Jacob taking Michelle's side not out of effective therapeutic treatment but because he was succumbing to unmanaged countertransference.

A responsible therapist monitors emotional responses in supervision, creates clear and consistent boundaries, and manages their countertransference or ends therapy if they can't.

As a patient, you should be on the lookout for boundary shifts, changes in the emotional tone of therapy, overidentification (always taking your side), strange self-disclosure, and any behavior which suggests attraction or sexualization. These are ***red flags*** in real life.

3) Don't fuck your therapist. Don't date your therapist. While the AAMFT only strictly prohibits dating a former client or family member of a client for two years, even after that there will always be a strong burden on the therapist to prove that no exploitation occurred which is an incredibly difficult case to make. The ACA has a similar ban, but for five years. And, in the case of nearly all licensing organizations, if any accusation of impropriety is made, the dating of a previous patient or family member of family member of previous patient can be used as evidence of compromised ethics. It's widely known that in such relationships there is a terrible change of power imbalance, potential for harm, damage of public trust, and concerns of exploitation.

This is a massive ***red flag*** as far as I'm concerned. Honestly, I can't imagine trusting a therapist that, even after waiting 2-5 years, dates a client. There are plenty of fish in the sea and the risk of manipulation and harm are too great.

Anyway, I was feeling really pissed at a fictional character and now I feel a little better. Hopefully Dr. Jacob faces consequences next season and possibly loses his license.