(TW: discussion of suicide) Does anyone feel almost suicidal at the prospect of working for the rest of their life?

I want to be clear, I am not a danger to myself. I have a girlfriend I am deeply in love with who, just by herself, gives me a million reasons to love being alive.

But fuck me, I hate my job. And I don't think it's this job in particular. I've had jobs I liked more, and I still felt the same way. When I think about the fact that the rest of my life will be spent giving the majority of my energy to making money for somebody else doing something I won't enjoy doing, I get this terrifying feeling in my gut. Like, fuck me, what's the goddamn point?

I'm in a particularly bad place right now which isn't helping. Work is stressful, my boss is a dick and half the people I work with are giving me trouble. My girlfriend is working and in school, so we don't see each other enough. I'm tired constantly, probably some kind of vitamin deficiency. I'm not getting my ADHD meds consistently. But none of that feels temporary. Even if those individual struggles are gone, there will always be something.

I just don't feel hopeful, about myself or the world. I feel too old to rely on the idea that it's going to get better.

How do I cope? How do I feel hope?