How do I get my cat to stop sleeping on top of me?

EDIT on bottom of list of things I’ve done

For the record, I LOVE my cat, Mr. Nanners. He is the sweetest little baby boy, I am forever grateful that he chose me as his human. That being said, I need him to stop using me as a mattress.

I know some of you are probably thinking, “What’s the problem? I would LOVE if my cat slept on me!” And trust me, I understand. It’s cute. It’s sweet. It’s a privilege. But it’s also EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. And homie is HEAVY. And HOT. Like sleeping with a weighted electric blanket that occasionally purrs.

The worst part is that I’m not allowed to move and have to be in the same uncomfortable position. If I shift positions to get comfortable, he gets personally offended. He’ll either get on top of me anyway and start meowing or he’ll meow by my face until I go back to mummy style.

And if I try to relocate to another part of the bed? He follows. If I move away? He follows. If I push him off, he verbally expresses his irritation and goes right back on. There is no escape.

I have a queen sized bed and a separate mattress on the floor specifically for him. He has more sleeping accommodations than some college students! But no. he wants to sleep on top of me, specifically on my right hip.

Locking him out of my room isn’t an option because I’m not a monster, and I know I’d feel terrible. But I am genuinely losing sleep and would love to experience the luxury of rolling over without having to negotiate with a furry dictator.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Is there a way to gently convince your cat that sleeping NEXT to you is just as good as sleeping ON you?

EDIT: things I’ve tried the past two months.

**\* Pushing him off** \- he just climbs right back up. **\* Changing positions** \- he still climbs up and then meows consistently until I move back to what he wants **\* Ignoring his meows** \- but I admit I give in after a while because I felt bad about how pathetic he sounds. **\* Creating barriers on the bed** **\* Multiple cat beds** \- all different types of material. Homie even has a silk one! He’s more boujie than me… I’ve placed them on the bed next to me, the floor, and on the cat tree **\* Heated cat bed** \- placed on the bed next to me and on the floor. Tried both the self-warming and the plug in. **\* Sleeping in a hammock** \- I had hoped the instability would persuade him to go away - nope **\* Spraying him with water** \- he ignored it. **\* Treats if he moves -** homie loves food but didn’t give af. **\* Catnip on the cat beds** \- Pretty sure that made him more determined. **\* Hugging and kissing him annoyingly to try to get him to move -** he starts purring really loudly. He loves love.