Dad is dying. Mom lives in the same facility and hates me. This disease is so cruel.

For context my first (long) post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/dementia/s/aYxbj67BvE

Hospice and the nursing team in dad’s memory care unit say he has reached the phase of “actively passing.” This is, I believe, the last phase…though I won’t be surprised at this point if some fresh Hell is introduced even beyond this.

Dad can’t eat. He can’t drink. When he’s unmedicated, all he can do is panic. They have to give him his end-stage comfort meds by basically dripping them into his mouth in liquid form. So now he just sleeps. I think he has, at most, days left. At least he is comfortable.

Mom also has Dementia/Alzheimer’s, and has hated me for putting her in Memory Care since we did so over a month ago. And now? I want to be there for my dad as he eases toward passing, but whenever I show up, mom spits unending vitriol at me.

I still have to be there, though. I have dad’s impending death on my one hand and mom’s unceasing hatred on the other, and have to somehow find a third hand to steady my disabled brother. I am now feeling like a candle burnt at both ends. Except my candle has more than two ends. All of them are burning. There’s so little of me left. This disease is the cruelest fucking thing I could ever imagine

Dad’s struggle looks like it will be over soon, and I am glad of that. But mom’s continues. My brother’s continues. Mine continues. And I’m so tired, and also…so fucking MAD about it. I feel like I’ve failed here. But there was never any scenario where I could win. Every path led to defeat and mom is intent on driving that loss into me.

Jesus. I am just a man, and if I’m being honest, I’m not really all that good of one. Why was this all put upon me? I’ve been drowning for years and it just. Doesn’t. Stop.