I hate formulas!

I dont know where I went wrong or missed something. They just dont make sense to me. Why this particular one and (especially now that I study chemistry) how the fuck do I remember all of them and when to use which one?

I could recognize one and maybe say what its used for but when going from nothing, I always mix up at least one thing in the formula.

I feel like if we just learned exactly what the topic is about, we could just come up with our own ways to figure out a problem. I have had this so many times where I for the love of god could not remember the formula in a test so I would just focus for a moment, read the problem really carefully and come up with a solution myself. Which often was even faster and much easier to understand than the 2 page formula calculations.

Never got full points when I did that.

#(Now my question to you guys: )

Have any of you ever had this issue? How do you get excited about maths again and what can I do to finally understand equations to the point that I can atleast do basic rearrangements. It feels like other people can use equations almost like a sort of language, where I just go blank. And I cant seem to get over this mental blockade that maybe school forced on me