Shadows

Why is night the time we sleep? Why not during the day? Why do mothers put their children to sleep when it gets dark? Is it the absence of light? A simple need for vision and clarity? I believe it is not so, if humanity as a species would've chosen to live in the night all along we would be able to see in that darkness. Our mistrust of the dark is something much older, something physical. Fear. Hereditary fear. Passed on throughout generations. It's that fear that keeps us asleep at night, but fear of what exactly?

I woke up around seven, in the evening of course, I'd grown fond of the night. The last fleeting light from the day drifted behind the blankets over my windows. I walked to my computer, wondering why I enjoyed the night so much. I assumed it was just leftover awe from my childhood for something as mysterious and forbidden as darkness. Deep down, of course, I knew the truth, it was the rush from that instinctive fear.

I could always feel them watching me, even though I had no idea who *they* were. I was just aware of their presence. Keen eyes in the night watching my every move.

I spent the next few hours at my computer, reviewing the day's events. Every time I'd get that feeling of fear I'd grip the thick carpet with my toes and find a new website until the feeling subsided. To escape my house, I decided to go for a late night skate session. Since it was well past eleven a blanket of black had covered the town. I quickly got dressed and grabbed my skateboard before stepping out into the warmth of this midsummer night.

I was going to skate at a nearby school so I didn't bother driving. I preferred walking anyway. As I passed the closed shops I though I saw eyes in the darkness. Distorted, yellow eyes gazing coldly from the alley. I played it off as my imagination and continued walking, speeding up my pace a little.

After what felt like an eternity of walking I got to the school. Paranoia set in and I questioned why I left the comfort of my house. I emptied out my pockets on a set of stairs so nothing would get broken if I fell, making sure i kept my wallet. Skating took away all the troubles in my mind. Worry. Paranoia. All gone. Peace.

I woke up around seven, in the afternoon of course, I'd grown fond of the night.

*What is happening? What is this?*

The last fleeting light from the day drifting behind the blankets over my windows.

*A memory? Is this a memory?*

I walked to my computer, wondering why the night enjoyed me so much.

*No, not a memory, not a memory, not a memory not a memory notamemory.*

I woke with a jolt. Feeling the cold concrete underneath me, I realized I was at the school still. Had I fell? Hit my head? Did I blackout? Then I heard it, a distinct laughter. Close. It was coming from... A misty, black hand grabbed my shoulder from behind. I flailed out wildly and began running in a random direction. I left everything there with who ever had grabbed me, except for my wallet. Continuing to run I realized was lost. It seemed darker, everything was so sinister and distorted.

I found myself at a 24 hour convenience store. I had no idea why I had been running or what from. I decided to buy some snacks, maybe I'd feel better after eating. Chips and soda. I talked to the woman at the register for a while before deciding to walk home.

I got a few blocks down the road and remembered the eyes. That alley was actually kin of close. Checking it out couldn't hurt. I needed to know if I had imagined it or not. Reaching the edge of the alley i peeked around the corner. I saw them, the eyes, still there, still watching. Yearning.

I fell to the ground in agony. My memories seemed to have caught fire. False ones replaced with forgotten ones, impossible ones. I remember the cloudy hand. And more. More. So much more. I'd encountered this before. So many times. My entire life. How could it be real? Why did I forget? Why me? I pawed at my head trying to make it stop. I didn't want to remember. Were these past lives now? My life? My life. Impossible? No, not impossible, anything but impossible. Real. All too real.

I stood a different person. I found it funny, it's always been there. Always. And I never gave it a second thought. No one ever does. I knew what I had to do. Purpose. I had purpose. In the darkness there stood a silhouette, so foreign yet familiar. I understood it. Excitement. That's what I felt. What I feel. The single, most important moment of my life. My beginning. My end. I looked into the glowing, yellow eyes of my shadow and approached it.

I am infinite now.