Had THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE yesterday.

I’m up at 3am just thinking about it.

For whatever reason, my wife and I have failed to establish a healthy sexual relationship (in my opinion), sometimes going MONTHS without having any kind of sex - which is devastating to me. I have trained myself to take care of her needs first, when we’re in bed, and can be in my head so much as a result of that- and the pressure of feeling like “HOLY DIVER. WE’RE HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW, I NEED TO ENJOY THIS BECAUSE ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN FOR AT LEAST SEVERAL WEEKS.” - sometimes I take VERY long to finish, sometimes don’t finish at all (which I know is frustrating and sad for HER).

She came home yesterday after lunch (and I’m sure a whole bunch of mimosas) with her friends. I was stepping out of the shower and she started getting handsy with me.

I cannot explain how quickly I became erect. I almost put a hole thru that fkn towel. I ripped off her clothes and we started going at it in the bathroom. On the counter. Standing up. Up against the wall. On the bed. Doing splits. Doing backflips and shit. Cirque de Sex. MINDBLOWING SHIT.

It was the funnest sex I’ve had with my wife in the 7 years we’ve been together. Then we just laid in bed, pouring sweat, and talked all kinds of stuff. Life and work and babies and future. And just like that I feel so close to her. I feel strong and sexy, like I am the fuckin MAN I know she married!

I wish she knew how much I needed this. I have explained it before, how important sex is to me, and how it makes me feel close to her. I wish she knew that I couldn’t possibly put into words how much I love her and I just want to feel that closeness all the time- but I have stopped initiating because I can’t take the rejection. The height of being with her, can’t compete with the depth of being rejected over and over again.

I know it might be a while before I feel this again. I just want to sit here tonight and really bask in this.