Boundary vs rules talk is truly getting absurd.

There is this idea that rules are bad and controlling and boundaries are okay and good. Moreover, it keeps getting outright stated that rephrasing something as a boundary makes it fine.

It's literally got to the point where I saw this.

>A boundary I have is “I’ll end a relationship if a partner is physically violent to me.”

I'm sorry. It's perfectly fine to have a rule of "You aren't allowed to hit me" That's not bad and controlling, and it changes absolutely nothing to rephrase it as a boundary.

Similarly, someone having a "boundary" of "I won't be in a relationship with a woman that talks to other men" is shitty and controlling, and rephrasing it as a boundary changes nothing about that whatsoever.

There is this pervasive, bizarre and frankly unhealthy focus on rules vs boundaries rather than what the actual behavior is. It's like weaponized therapy speech and in some cases have been used to justify controlling or toxic behavior. In other cases it's just weird digressions that add nothing to or change the discussion.

There are actual differences between rules and boundaries. "I won't be around smoking" or "I won't be around anyone using drugs" Those are actually not restricting or trying to restrict anyone's behavior but your own. "I won't be in a relationship with someone who smokes or uses drugs" is a rule, regardless of trying to phrase it as a boundary. It's trying to control your partners choices, not your own. And it's perfectly okay to have that rule! You are allowed to have rules! It's just that phrasing it as a boundary doesn't materially change anything about it!