Struggle with NP having sex with my other partners when I've had an emotionally unstable day

Pretty much the title. If I've (29F) had a rough day with a lot of emotional instability to where I'm crying and trying to get myself together right before she (29F) goes on a date, if she has sex on that date, it often makes me feel hurt even though I know that is no one's intention and that I should not be. I want her to enjoy herself separate of me.

Couple this with the fact that we pretty much just date within our 4-person polycule (we are all dating each other) and I think it feels a bit worse somehow? I think I would feel better if she had sex with someone I am not also intertwined with when I have a day where I've had trouble maintaining my emotional stability.

I know some self-regulation is in order, I did tell my partner how I was feeling because I couldn't quite get it out of my mind and she felt hurt by it, but I told her it was no one's fault and that I don't blame anyone.

Right now I am dealing with a hard loss in the family so I think that has really amplified my sensitivity but this has happened before and I don't want to repeatedly make my partner feel bad for something that she should be able to do freely, that I truly want her to do freely.

Any tips?