I Really Don't Know What I Am Waiting For

For the record: 63M, 5' 8", 165 lbs, Severe Stenosis and level 1 Spondy at L4/5.

Gabapentin was working(heavy dose) and then I tried weaning off gradually and the pain came back and seems to get worse every day even after going back to my original Gab dose a week ago.

This morning I dropped my pants because of the pain lifting my right leg to put them on. Had to wait till I could even pick them off the floor.

The morning pain usually goes away after an hour or so, but never completely. If it were not for the pain getting out of bed it would be a little more manageable.

My daughters graduation from PT school (oh the irony) is in May and no idea how I am going to manage the 1-1/2 hour trip, let alone the longer drive camping trips we have planned.

I have a follow up appt with a neuro, one of the two surgeons I have narrowed it down to, on May 2nd. This was one surgeon who said I did not need surgery at the time when I met him last July. The other preferred surgeon would do a level 1 fusion at L4/5

I feel ultimately defeated and pretty negative thoughts.

Yes, I am scared of Fusion, but the fear is getting less in favor of having an actual life again.

Thanks for letting me vent.