The big C

TW: Cancer talk. Just found out my mother’s cancer has returned. She beat Stage IV lung cancer five years ago and now it appears its come back with a vengeance.

My SO is at a work event and while it’s not worth him burning bridges to be home with me, I wish he was.

I want to drink so badly. I want to drown in wine . I know it’s not right and there are better options but damn.

Parenting and working on autopilot right now. I’ve been re-reading the same sentence five times and it’s just the “are you happy with your order” line from Instacart.

I keep scrolling down to the wine section and almost hitting Add to Cart. I want to snuggle my kids but they’re both in moods today and just want to be alone. I get that. Maybe they’re picking up on it from me.

Anyway. Sorry for the rant. I guess I’m just feeling lost.

I miss being a child. I miss having someone tell me everything would be okay and I believed them. And if I’m being honest, right now in this moment, I miss drinking.