It's my Giggety Day

Actually I'm not sure, while this is my sixty-ninth day of not drinking I am not sure if I should hold off until it's over.

Either way: I have to credit this community for inspiring me. I'm in my mid-forties, and I've been a heavy drinker pretty much since I started at twenty-one. There are reasons for that but they don't matter, what matters is that when I drink I often don't want to stop. I probably averaged five drinks per night for the better part of two and a half decades, but of course averages mean there were some nights on the low end, and some on the high end. Some much much higher.

Fun fact: I have destroyed *three* laptop computers due to my drinking.

* In like 2002 I knocked my girlfriend's martini onto her laptop. * Maybe in like 2012 or 2013 I fell asleep in bed with a beer while watching YouTube videos on my laptop. I woke up having poured beer into my laptop. * And I did it again in like 2017.

I'd known for so long that I had a drinking problem, and that any attempt at moderation was short-lived. I could go a few days or even a week or two without drinking, but inevitably I would go back to it. I first came across this community around 2015 or 2016, and I'd lurk on and off.

So I went about life with this knowledge that I had to stop drinking, but I didn't want to. Until one day I did. I don't know what changed, all I know is that there was one day in November of last year when I woke up mid-week with a pretty rough hangover (I was unemployed at the time, so didn't have to worry about missing work which meant I could binge mid-week). I was sitting on my couch that November afternoon surfing this subreddit and I realized I just didn't want to do this any more.

I credit the alignment between that want and the knowledge of the need for why I've been able to quit. It's still early of course--only my sixty-ninth day (teehee), but I haven't really felt any cravings. I've finally recognized that I cannot drink without avoiding the parts I hate, and so as a result I just don't want to drink.