Keeping the tiger in the cage
Hi everyone- Im currently 1 year 4+ months alcohol free :). I still think about alcohol quite a bit. I feel like that was all I thought about for a little over 10 years, and my brain is still adusting to thinking about other things. I also think a lot about all of the stupid things I did when I would drink and cringe at myself probably multiple times a day. Random things can trigger a memory. Beating myself up for the past is definitely something I need to work on doing less.
When I think about potentially sneaking a drink or a shot, perhaps telling myself I can just do it once and then I can go back to being sober, I think about my sobriety as a tiger in a cage. Someone else here described it as that and it has really stuck with me. It was SO hard getting that damn tiger in the cage. Years of struggling of not drinking for a week or two and then losing the battle. But it is finally in there and I will NOT let him free. Hes happy in there, but let him out and he will tear my life to shreds.
This week is my most stressful week of work for the year. I help organize a huge fundraiser for cancer research and support, and it is just a complete sh*tshow sometimes. This evening when I was so overwhelmed I probably came the closest to considering taking a drink I have in a long time. But I dont let myself even begin to think about the how/what/when details of that first drink. I just picture my tiger in its cage and think- Id be an absolute fool to let that thing out after I worked so hard to get him in there. How stupid would I be to do that after so much time.
The whole event is just really overwhelming, and it is just made even harder by the fact that there is alcohol everywhere. So many people donate booze baskets, huge coolers full of multiple handles of different types of liquor. A large portion of the prizes for the event have alcohol. Margarita baskets, bloody mary baskets, bottles of bourbon. And then people typically get super trashed at the bar during the event and it just makes for such a long day. It is exhausting.
Getting that off my chest helps, and maybe someone else will read this and use the same imagery to remind them to not drink. It helps me when a lot of the other coping mechanisms havent.
Goodnight~