69 Days - But feeling like a fraud...

Let be start by saying that **I am proud of not having had a sip in 69 days**, but let me continue that I am more proud of anybody in here who's really struggling with 1 or 4 days.

**Let me explain**. Im not really an alcoholic at least not in the same way the most of you are. I have gone years without drinking, and I have had years where I could drink 1-2 times a week or month without it changing my life. I have NEVER felt the urge to drink the day after I drink. Not once.

So why am I here? Well I am bipolar, and when I am depresssed or in a normal state, I am in fully control over alcohol, but once I start to get manic or submanic/hypomanic (the stage under full blown mania) I lose all control, and then I drink like a stereotypycal alcoholic and wreck hovoc to my life, my carrer, my health and others.

**So 2/3 times of my life I have no problems with alcohol, 1/3 I am an alcoholic**. And since I never know when the next mania will come, **this evens out to always having a hard time with alcohol.**

**So here's is why I feel like a fraud.** Apart from the first 2-3 days of breaking a habit, no time in the last 69 days have I had the urge to drink. Nothing in the last 66 days. **But I haven's been manic either.**

So, I am waiting for a manic period to truly feel the urge and test my resolve, which is why I feel like a fraud. I have 69 days, but my fight hasn't even really begun yet.

**I am, however, hoping that without alcohol I will be more in control of my bipolar disorder, which will make me more in control of my drinking**

I do, however, love waking up without a hangover. If you could bottle that shit I would drink it every day. In fact, I do.

That's enough from me. **You guys are awesome. Keep fighting the good fight.**

I will not drink with you today!... Oh, and can I get a fraudulent nice :)