It’s going to be okay. If you are feeling frustrated with cravings after stacking a good amount of time sober that is normal and I hope my experience can give you some peace of mind.
This is going to be a long post. The intention is to provide some feedback to anyone feeling frustrated about still having cravings after stacking some time sober, from someone who went through those exact frustrations.
On April 11 2020 I woke up with the worst hangover I have ever had. I was drinking every single day and had been for 4 years. I worked as a bartender and something that doesn’t get discussed often is that in the service industry it is extremely common place to go out and drink with your co-workers after a shift. For me this really spiraled and I slowly creeped into alcohol abuse over the course of years. It really got out of control and I decided on this day I was going to stop. I had tried many times before and failed but with Covid lockdowns I couldn’t go out anyway so it felt like a perfect chance to really give it my best.
There’s really no way to describe how easily alcohol can ingrain its self in every aspect of your life. It is sneaky. I never realized how much I was depending on that drink to help ease anxiety in social situations and help cope with hard days. But when it got removed from the equation, everything suddenly became really hard for me. I was bored all the time, I was anxious to be around people, I couldn’t sleep, I was depressed when I had a hard day and couldn’t use alcohol to drown out my feelings. I had to re-learn how to deal with emotions without numbing them. It was hard, and it was hard for a long time.
It’s not hard anymore. I don’t think about drinking anymore and I don’t crave it at all. But that took years. I remember celebrating one year sober and having this very saddening realization that even though I had been sober, I was still consumed with thoughts of drinking. I thought about it every single day and had to tell myself NO every single day. It was exhausting. I remember feeling very overwhelmed because I didn’t think I could keep doing this forever and that scared me.
I remember watching a video where this person describes alcohol abuse as a forest. Every day that you drink, you take a step deeper into the forest. Then one day you look around and realize you are completely lost, engulfed in the trees. You decide to turn around, and every day you don’t drink is a step back the way you came. Maybe there are some slip ups along the way, but that doesn’t reset your progress out of the woods. It’s just one small step back. Something you have to accept is that if you were drinking daily for years, a few months or even a year of not drinking doesn’t land you out of the woods, and that is OK. This analogy really made me feel better about the frustrations I was feeling with still being consumed with the idea of drinking even after a year of sobriety. I put myself very deep in this forest and it’s going to take a long time before I see the outside again. And that is alright, because every day is a step in the right direction. All I can do is put my head down and go one day at a time, and eventually I will look up and realize I haven’t been in the forest for some time. I remember thinking well I drank heavily for 4 years, maybe after 4 years of not drinking I won’t have any feelings like this any more.
Well I’m now a little over 4 years off the sauce. And I don’t think about drinking any more. I don’t crave it, I don’t dream about it, I don’t worry about it… it’s not even a thought that crosses my mind any more. To be honest, I haven’t in some time, probably a couple years. The forest is gone.
I wanted to write this as I have seen a lot of posts lately where people are talking about being sober for 6 months/ a year or more and still being consumed with cravings. I want you to know that is okay, you are not doing anything wrong, it’s normal and it won’t last forever. Maybe it will take you longer than it took me, maybe it will take you less, but one day you will have a realization that you haven’t thought about it at all in weeks. You will get there, but for now just keep focusing on stacking days. Good luck to you on your journey!