It's a sneaky lying bastard

It's trying to convince me that I've healed enough to be able to drink in moderation now and be able to keep myself under control, but I know it's alcoholism rearing it's ugly head and telling me lies to get me to slip. I can't let it win, though.

The benefit of me being able to drink is vastly outweighed by the consequences of it taking over again, that much is obvious. Playing it forward, it's not worth the risk of my physical and mental health becoming destroyed, the risk of losing everything I've worked so hard for, hurting those I love, and disappointing myself and others.

People have been cheering me on far too hard for me to be able to look at them and say "Oh I drink again, but it's under control now", and I feel that would hurt and scare them so deeply. I would lose a few people instantly, that much I know. I would end up falling back into my drinking circles, and I don't even like those people or the situations I was always in. I love how my life has been calm and stable since I entered recovery -- that would change pretty much instantly if I went back to my old ways.

"But it's fine, you can keep yourself under control" No, I don't trust myself to. I cannot ever trust myself to be able to drink again, and I won't listen to what that lying bastard is trying to tell me.

IWNDWYT.