1 year sober - notes on how i quit
**Introduction**
I previously was sober for several years but then relapsed and drank for several years. I'm now 1 year sober again.
The previous time I quit was mostly through reading memoirs of people who not only quit drinking but think sobriety is the better choice. However this time the quit lit was not helping enough to get me to stop. Eventually I found a therapist using the Psychology Today list after trying literally a dozen therapists who refused to take me. By law if the therapist didn't accept me they had to refer me to someone else but that was a complete waste of time and I would have been better off going back to the original list. Many therapists would not accept me since they said they weren't qualified in my issues. For various reasons it's hard to find a therapist but being persistent in finding one was worth it. I found one who uses the Reality Therapy framework to treat addiction.
I've included a dump of some of my therapy notes below. I did the sessions online so it was easy to take notes. I've often wondered why just the therapist takes notes since it seems like both parties should.
**Methods**
Did not work: quit lit
Worked: therapy + going to online meetings through the Lifering secular sobriety organization. I found I could relate to the people in Lifering better than AA and the process was more informal. I complained to my therapist that the meetings take a long time, but he asked, how long did drinking take? Link: [https://lifering.org/online-meetings/](https://lifering.org/online-meetings/)
**Therapy notes**
People relive negativity and pain to stay sober. But have difficulty with negative emotional states. Focus on positive new life experiences enabled by sobriety.
Urge surfing may not work as well with psychological cravings as with physiological. Pressure builds over time. How to reframe that the negatives of drinking are actually a trigger to drink: Focus on the positives of not drinking. E.g. I will sleep more soundly and have better mental health stability. Busy work may not be same as fulfillment and satisfaction. So you may not be enjoying sober life when you're just avoiding the boredom. It's up to me to decide which activities are fulfilling.
Relapse is not a failure, it's a failure of the plan. Try to change the plan.
1st drink suppresses inhibitions. Makes it harder to stop.
Funding for recovery programs is from court systems. They like CBT and 3 month programs. Useful in short term. 5 year checkup 1/3 are sober.
There may be good reasons to use alcohol in contrast to what some programs say. Identifying the good reasons can help you replace them. However alcohol use can be romanticized. Immediate and short term benefits. Consequences are long term. Harder to connect consequences. Story: guy gets fired for being drunk. Blames it on boss being an ahole. Benefits/consequences are not realistically identified. Can meet those benefits in more sustainable way. People soften the consequences. That's why positive focus is more effective. It's part of our self concept that we try to ignore our anxieties and disease risk. That's why this method of sober encouragement is practically useless. Difference between abstinence and recovery. Recovery means trying to enjoy your life again. Accountability is not just proving to someone that I'm still sober. Accountability includes enjoying the things that I gain from engaging in recovery. To treat boredom, could call up friends since I'm sober. Go to dinner, walk, etc. If I don't have plans there's less to lose. Beer run to specific store to get snack + beer is a practiced association. The snack habit triggers beer unconsciously. Shift association: different store or time.
Health consequences may be motivating in short term but not for sustaining. Does drinking get me closer or further from my quality world? Try harder - will feel weak if I fail. Berate my character instead of strategy.
Replace "holding on by my fingernails." Distract mind and offset anxiety with something I enjoy, preferably with social component for accountability. Instead of packing busy work in to day to be occupied, engage in activities that are enjoyable and ideally with social support. New Year's resolutions are with mindset of punishment. I will force myself to workout for example. Often leads to failure. Will invent excuse.
**Summary**
Reality therapy says you'll be happier in the new life so that makes quitting easier. The idea of building the new life makes quitting drinking not hard. According to this therapy modality, if it's hard to quit, then you won't be able to. If you don't agree with that, that's fine. I'm just sharing what worked for me through this therapy type.
**Don't give up**
This is a list of all the times I reset my stopdrinking badge:
2023-05-29,2023-05-17,2023-04-05,2023-03-05,2023-02-24,2022-12-12,2022-11-21,2022-11-7,2022-11-1,2022-10-29,2022-10-28,2022-10-13,2022-10-04,2022-09-06,2021-12-13,2021-11-08,2021-10-22,2021-08-26,2021-07-23.