Good bye to all that

30+ days sober. Went for a long walk to run an errand. For the first time in a long time I felt light, rested, and…it was a shock…I realized I felt happy for no reason. On the way, I notice someone. They had their hat brim conspicuously over their face, like they were intentionally trying not to be seen. Still, this person seemed familiar. As I turned away I noticed this person had started walking right next to me and started staring at me, almost as if they wanted me to turn and meet their gaze. Instead I stared straight and continued on my way as they entered an outdoor patio area. Despite their attempt at first to hide themself, I knew it was my former roommate/friend. I was absolutely head-over-heels for this girl. I would and did anything for her. That was years ago when I was apart of a toxic friend circle. They made fun of me and behind my back and ridiculed me for my drinking problem. There was many a suicide ideation at the time and this person reveled in my pitiful state. Of course she was leaving a bar in the early afternoon sipping out of what I remembered to be her favorite drink: a vodka soda. COULDNT DO TONIC…oh no too many calories. Anyway I found it funny that I actually felt happy however fleeting and then saw this person who was both someone I loved and someone who was part of an atmosphere I never want to be a part of again, engaging in an activity I will never engage in again with her or anybody. It was nice to be able to say goodbye to that in my own way.

Today was a good sober day. Here’s to many more!