Tomorrow makes 90 days. What I didn't realize about how this would change my life.

The first few days/weeks of getting sober were about getting sober. The following weeks became about becoming more spiritual, self-discovery, and truly creating a better life for myself all around. I never realized that with this old self I'm leaving behind, there are many other things that have to go along with it... Largely due to the fact that my old self who was drowning in addiction, did not make the best decisions and chose a lifestyle that was completely out of alignment with who I really am.

I never realized I would have to let go of my best friends and people that I cherish so much. Not just the friends that party, but the friends who are addicted to self sabotage, addicted to men & disrespect themselves, friends that make really risky decisions, with little ambition or goals. I have truly fallen in love with their souls. However, we just have little to nothing in common anymore, our values don't align, we don't share similar interests. To watch them slowly destruct breaks my heart, and it hurts to feel like I'm the second option to these men who are horrible to them, to drugs and alcohol, to partying, going out to bars/clubs. But I can't try to change them and I shouldn't.

I won't cut them out of my life, especially because we work together. We will always have a "family" type of connection, but it won't ever be the same as it was, and we will never be as close.

It hurts because I don't feel close with anyone right now. I do have my parents that I'm close with, but in terms of people close to my age, there is no one I am intimately close with right now. But it's so much better than trying to force close relationships that don't align with me & my recovery. I know I'm in the in-between & I'll find my people. Yet, even though these people will still be in my life, I'm mourning this loss.

I don't regret anything and I know that this is just part of recovery. My entire lifestyle had to change. And that means who I surround myself with closely must change.