Two years today
Today is two years sober from alcohol for me. I am proud of this milestone, but as always, I mark these moments with more reflection and self-criticism. Before I get into anything: thank you to this community. You helped me so much at the beginning and I am still a daily reader for the inspiration and for any support I can offer!
The second was different than the first for me and I am learning more about myself than about alcohol. When I quit two years ago, I focused on harm reduction. Alcohol was impacting my health, my relationships, and I knew I no longer had control over it. Getting off alcohol was priority #1 and I framed it in the context of harm reduction. As a result, I started to use more THC edibles, with the justification in my mind that they were less dangerous and less addicting. I really don’t crave alcohol at all anymore.
Fast forward to 18 months sober (from alcohol) last Fall. I can make excuses- there were a lot of life stresses and then I kind of went in a post-election spiral- but I found myself turning to edibles more and more- like 4-5x per week, every night. Before I knew it, it was winter break with my entire family, literally the most joyous circumstance I could envision, and I found myself taking an edible without really thinking about it. Around the same time, over Winter Break, I read a Patreon post by J Kenji Lopez Alt (the chef) who wrote an eerily reflective piece about how alcohol impacted his life and his marriage. He switched to edibles and found that they crept up and up, and he found himself in the same place. Like Kenji, I realized that edibles were just a 1:1 substitute for alcohol. I know that biochemical addiction is different, but the same addictive habits were at play for me. I was dependent; it impacted my next day(s) ability to work effectively; I was unhealthy and ate so much junk, and most similar to alcohol, I hid my use from my partner.
I came clean with my partner after the New Year and made the decision myself to go off THC as well. It has been ~45 days for that one and I don’t know how long it will last. My takeaway is that I am two years sober from alcohol and 45 days sober, full stop. I do not judge anyone who uses any substances and I envy those who can moderate their use of any substance, but I think I am finally learning that I am not that guy.
IWNDWYT