urges at 11 months.

i've been sober for 11 months now; the longest before this i've ever made it was 6 months. my life has transformed for the better and i truly have had zero desire to drink after the first month or so of sobriety.

obviously in the past 11 months i've gone through some hardships, and i've built up an arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms to employ when i'm struggling.

i'm not even a sensitive person anymore and i'm very resilient. i've developed discipline and strong habits.

however, someone did something so incredibly cruel and almost downright evil to me... which triggered my trauma hardcore & re-activated my victim complex. and when my victim complex is in action to that extent, i want to drink.

i have known that sobriety would not absolve me of negative/ strong feelings and hardships. i just didn't realize how much some things would hurt and i'd have to face them sober.

i love my life and sobriety enough to know that drinking isn't the answer. i've gone back to school and have changed my life. which is why the urge to drink is so uncomfortable.

i'm trying to not punish myself for having that urge, because i know the victim complex in my brain has to be wired with neural pathways involved with alcohol. i know that when i overcome this fully, i'm going to feel an entirely new sense of pride.

but i don't like this feeling.