I’m terrified

I feel so completely lost and alone. I made my first serious attempt at sobriety in late February. I have basically been able to stay away from the alcohol itself, with a couple of slips. The problem is that I was so horribly unprepared for all of the feelings and emotions that came back, and the lack of real coping techniques to manage without numbing. I do suffer from mental health issues and am on medication that continuously needs adjustment. Currently, in order to have therapy, I have to pay out of pocket and can’t afford the amount or consistency that I probably need. My partner became overwhelmed with me and walked away. He was the only person in my life who has supported my feeble attempt at recovery and I can’t carry the guilt I feel for the pain I have caused him. Aside from my teenage daughter I am very much alone in this world and I don’t feel that I have the capacity to trust anyone anymore. Not even because I think that there aren’t good people, but simply because I am terrified that I will drive them away and be hurt. I don’t know where to turn anymore and it’s actually making me crave a drink so badly. I can’t stand myself. I just want it all to stop.