People who drank to mask everything. I need perspective.

I sincerely feel my life has gotten harder ever since I became honest and stopped drinking.

It's not direct cravings for a drink: I am an escaper​. I travel for work and I indulged in a lot of things I should not have: strip clubs, porn, alcohol and just a general vibe of escaping my family life at home. I have a sincerely loving wife and my children are healthy and thriving. What this means is I generally presented and complied to what was necessary and put forth the face I thought was expected of me, but once I left my entire person would change and anything sacred I was supposed to honor went away. This culminated to me having an affair and that person, right now, I can't get out of my head.

I was always a moderate drinker (and it would land me into trouble) and I have been clean for nearly a month. It may be fortunate but I am predisposed to gout which means alcohol use leads directly to attacks that are physically painful. That is a wonderful motivator to not drink.

I am nearly a month sober but I have to admit my relationships are struggling. I know I need to be there for my children but I feel a heavy weight with my wife. I often felt misunderstood and her anxiety would get in the way. I responded with my behaviors of escaping and that lasted until it couldn't anymore. Once I stopped drinking I found myself angry and agitated and that is when I broke down and told her.

She wants to make it work. She is willing to forgive. We are in individual therapy and couples therapy currently. I am back on the road for work and I have expressed that I need to take this opportunity for space. I will not drink and I will not escape, but I sincerely don't know what is what anymore. Am I just adjusting to not escaping? Was I so unhappy and suppressed it that I drowned it with alcohol and other things and living truthfully means I need to pursuit happiness even if it's hard?

I am posting this because I want to hear that I am not alone. That maybe you realized you needed to adjust how your brain responds to the world, but eventually you came back around and appreciated what you had? Or maybe you realized you were escaping because you were not happy and you needed to find yourself?