When does this get better?

I’m tired of being sober, I got through the holidays and it sucked. I spend everyday in a state of apathy, waiting for something. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do and I wouldn’t have the motivation even if I knew. I feel self pity for the reasons my life has taken this path and then feel pathetic and self indulgent for feeling that way. I want to drink it all away. I miss the way my mind was constantly on drinking or recovering from drinking. At least I always had I goal then. Anyway, onward…I guess.