100 days!
It’s pretty wild, actually. I am turning 33 next month, and I’ve been a heavy drinker for 10+ years. I first started trying to get sober through an IOP over 3 years ago, and now here I am. I’m so grateful, and credit honestly everything I’ve tried during this time even if it did stick. I’ve done an IOP, AA, SMART, therapy, harm reduction, peer support, support from loved ones, scrolling here, making a sober playlist, and finally added naltrexone 100 days ago etc etc etc
I’ve been making little journal entries in my phone along the way, and I wanted to share a little bit in case someone resonates with it. Appreciate your patience with the long post
Day 1 + 2: super dissociative. Hot flashes, night sweats, and nausea. I feel like crap
Day 4 therapy homework: make a list of things I can change to support my sobriety. Break it into “work” and “home”
Day 21: I feel like my personality is changing. I’m so reactive, and my emotions get really high really fast
Day 30!: I feel great, and I’m so proud of myself. I wish I could tell more people about what I’m doing without feeling super vulnerable. I’m not really ready for a lot of questions, but I do want to practice
Day 35: getting sober fuckin suuuccckkksss I never want to do that first week again. My sleep is more normal, I’m emotionally tired all of the time, I’m struggling with motivation and my attention span is still adjusting. I feel like I’m internally groaning all the time
Day 38: my therapist suggested that I’m grieving, or that what I’m feeling is grief, and I’d say that’s accurate
Day 42: I’ve been processing a lot, and now I have a sober friend. I like talking to her about it all because, as she says, “it doesn’t feel like talking to a brick wall”
Day 62: I realized I started having goals again. I feel good. I want to get my financial life together and be better in my relationships. I don’t remember the last time I actually had a goal
Day 71: I’m actively applying to new jobs. My spouse and I had an admin day together where we got on the same page about bills and stuff. I have a lot more energy and I don’t have the need to nap anymore
Day 89/90: I’ve actually been brushing my teeth, and getting up early. I’m happier than I used to be, but it’s still a challenge to go out and social. I’m so aware of my discomfort
Day 95: had my first couples therapy session, and it went well. I feel so guilty for how distant and disengaged I was as a partner. I can’t believe that was my life, and I didn’t realize how shitty it must have been on her end
And here we are on day 100. I feel clear on what I want to work on, and how I want to continue showing up for myself. I work in social justice, and the world is so so hard, but I’m very glad I can show up to face it every day to the actual best of my abilities. I don’t ever want to go back
Thank you for all your support! This group is been immensely helpful for me. Please try to be kind to yourselves