Recognizing My Mistakes

Lately I've been thinking about the consequences of my drinking. The ones that stick out now are quite different from those that lead me to sobriety. Idk if my priorities have changed or if I just didn't realize the extent of my actions. It's strange, even though I'm sober I feel like I keep hitting bottoms. Every few days I have a new revelation. These revelations are always painful and shitty. I think I'm further from 'spritual perfection' than I ever thought.

1. I think I broke up with someone I wanted (want?) to spend the rest of my life with.

2. I made pronouncements to friends and family that I wish I had kept to myself.

3. I spent years cultivating a persona that is quite unrelated to the person I (think) I am.

4. I invested my time in people who did not care about me. So when life got rough, I found myself alone.

5. I destroyed the head start that I had in life.

Fuck alcohol. I'm so done. The more sobriety I get, the more disgusted I am with the person I was and the time I wasted. I'm not even sure what I was so unhappy with. What exactly was I running from? When did I pick up these negative thoughts that I used alcohol to silence? Why, oh why did I let alcohol tell me to walk away from the best thing that ever happened to me? Why did I throw away so many of the things I loved in life? Ugh. Dealing with the wreckage I created really sucks. Fuck. Stay sober, guys, on good days and bad ones.

__Edit: *sigh* Am I really sitting here pondering drinking over someone who specifically told me not to drink over her? Well, fuck. I guess I need to get my ass to a few more meetings today. Ugh. One step forward, two steps back. So much for all my spiritual progress.__