Emotional Backlog Due to Constant Intoxication

Holy shit sub! I'm at home and feeling groovy in a really weird way. Let's discuss:

I've been pining over someone I broke up with. We spent years together, lived together, planned our future, the whole shebang. I dumped her after 2.5 years because we couldn't get along. Personality issues. Irreconcilable differences. *Lots*. Whatever. But ... we kept hanging out... like *a lot*. We're best friends, I love her to death. She gets me, I get her. But for personality reasons it won't work. So ... while I've been seeing other people (for the last two years) we kept hooking up (cue the groans). I know, I *know*! I always tell her no, but I always let it happen (alright, after a few "No's" I'm an active and enthusiastic participant. Stop judging me.)

Anyway, we've been spending even more time together now that I've removed a lot of negative influences from my life. She's one of the few positive people in my world. And... I fell for her again. *Hard*. I decided not to date and within days I was head over heels for an ex. *Ouch*. I've been dying you guys. Love sick, dumb struck, feeling like a fool... but I saw her this morning and I've been stumbling towards a revelation all day:

When we broke up, she cried. She grieved for the trips we were going to take, the life we were going to live and the wedding we were going to have. She went through the process of getting over the idea of 'us'. She mourned our history and our connection and the family she thought she would be part of. She hurt. She suffered. She moved on. **I got drunk.** I'm dealing with this breakup for the first time, because I was shitfaced when it happened.**When you use alcohol to put off emotional pain, *you put it off*. It doesn't disappear. It's waiting for you, and eventually you've got to deal with it.**

Boom!! Sober revelation #173849484639485! Have a great night, stay sober motherfuckers!!