"I never turn down free alcohol!"

... I used to crow, as I joyously plucked the alcohol from its provider. That is no longer the case.

Today, when offered a celebratory shot, I found I was *thrilled* to inform the gentleman that "I don't drink." As often happens, this guy had trouble accepting my abstinence, and tried to push me into drinking with him. I was surprised by how adamant (and angry!) I was. When he concluded his evening by (publically) vomitting into a grocery sack, I noted his misery and felt it was well deserved.

I never have to drink again. I never have to embarrass myself again. I never have to get obnoxious and loud and irrational again. *I never have to end my night vomiting into a grocery sack!* Life is good, my friends. Stay sober!

**Bonus:** I found the *simplest* answer to that question strangers love to ask me:

*Them:* 'Why don't you drink?'

*Me:* 'I just fucking don't, dude.'