50 hours

Just passed 48 hours with no alcohol this afternoon. Still feeling pretty bad, but been able to eat some food today. Been trying to hydrate and move around a bit doing walks but it's super hot and I felt like I was going to pass out earlier so I'm back inside.

A close family member basically saved my life 2 days ago after I had been ignoring calls and texts and plans since I was too hungover/withdrawing and just wanted to keep drinking to make the bad feelings go away. Literally picked me up off the floor, semi conscious. Not the first time they've seen me in rough shape.

Told more friends and family about the relapse. I'm terrified of this, but I'll need to make some life changes to give myself better accountability and just better life in general. I've lived alone for several years now and I've been in denial about it being a problem. It's my number one trigger, being alone, or knowing I'll be alone and/or have no obligations for a day or 2.

Thinking about moving out and living with some family for at least a few months to figure things out. Grateful to be in a position where I can easily break my lease but I still feel a sense of fear and loss knowing it's time to move on. Can't travel with my pet, so I'll likely have to re home my cat which breaks my heart. I know animals are very adaptable and can get comfortable anywhere but part of me thinks she's going to wonder where I went and why I left her somewhere new.

Just needed to type some of this out. Brain still isn't working quite right, I'm at like "60% capacity" and feel really overwhelmed with all the changes that are likely to come but also trying to stay in the moment and just not drink.

Not Drinking is step 1, but I've got to move past that to the "next steps" soon. I know it will get easier but right now I'm scared and restless.

IWNDWYT