Onto Day 3

Tomorrow will be my third day. I tried multiple times over the past couple of months once I Started to feel like it was getting out of hand, but now my partner is involved with it because it actually affected her this time.

I am 30 and didn’t notice daily beers/cocktails catching up to me. Starting as a few drinks after work to unwind. To losing hobbies that I loved because I’d rather go to a bar. To hiding myself doing a couple of shots in the morning because I had to get rid of the anxiety.

I knew what I was doing wasn’t right so I tried to “cut back”. Only with other people, never alone, type of lies you tell yourself. And I guess I didn’t want to believe that they were lies.

Well this past weekend I blacked out at a club with a dead phone and my partner had no idea where I was. It started for me with a night with friends, a couple of drinks, but after everyone went home and I was in my uber I changed the direction to go back to a club alone to continue to drink.

I got the ultimatum the next day from her saying it’s me or this lifestyle. I am so fearful of becoming a lifelong alcoholic and losing people/myself to this which is something that has been very common in my family unfortunately.

Tomorrow is my third day. I got through 2 bad days of anxiety and awful sleep and guilt and self disgust. I find it crazy to look back and realize that if I hit 4 days it will be the longest I’ve done it in probably 7-8 years. I never realized that.

It helps me to write this out and I appreciate all the posts in here.