Implosion

My life seems to be imploding. My wife has filed for divorce. She is mostly blaming my drinking, not so much today, but that she cannot watch me decline into full blown alcoholism. She has close family in recovery.

I am very high functioning. I do not drink to extremes, but I do drink most evenings. I very rarely drink enough to be hung over. It has just become routine and I can't seem to get out of it. I'll tell myself all day that I'm not going to drink today and then inevitably find myself walking into the gas station on the way home from work.

I feel stuck in this cycle. Work, Family, Drink, Repeat. I'm a good dad and feel like I have been a good husband. I work very hard and always show up. But, I guess it hasn't been enough.

I promised myself that I would never be here, but yet here I am. I'm the child of a line of alcoholics, my Mom told me over and over growing to be careful, its a disease and you are predisposed.

I really don't know why I am writing any of this, I guess maybe I thought it would help me process.