Can Hold My Head Up

I can finally hold my head up. This statement is huge.

I’ve worked at my job for nearly two decades. Day 2 on the job, I was sexually harassed by someone very high up. So high up that I was afraid to report it. I ultimately told my assigned mentor, and, rather than help me report it, she told me to keep my mouth shut because he was too high up.

The sexual harassment and advice impacted me greatly. It impacted the way colleagues treated me on a day to day basis because they didn’t know the full story. It impacted my ability to concentrate and do my job. Additionally, over time, this situation and other situations at work greatly contributed to me having a drinking problem. Them, as a result of the drinking problem, over time I had even more things to be embarrassed of as I engaged in situations where I drank too much around colleagues. I was so beat up and felt like a loser.

Flash forward to last night. I’ve been sober nearly a year. My work is going very well. The me too movement has happened and nothing like what happened years ago will happen to me again. I LOOK great - not puffy or bloated. I lost weight and my clothes fit great. I had two women spontaneously tell me good I look.

And FINALLY - here is a BIG one. I want secretly carrying around the burden of knowing that I drink too much and wondering if I’m hiding it. How do I smell? How am I speaking? Can they tell I puked this morning?

I am w normal good looking person with nothing to hide. I belong. I can walk around with my head high.with nothing to hide. Here is the bigger trip. The event was held at a bar where I used to get drunk at all the time. If I ordered a drink at the bar, they would know me instantly know me. Instead, I’m a good looking young woman with nothing to hide. I love that for me.

I look forward today like I never have. Iwndwyt 💕💕💕