Just need a little vent, I think

Hi. I've been on this subreddit before. I'll be back again and again.

I went a month without imbibing anything. No coke. No booze. Nothing. And here I am sober as a jaybird tonight, after a six month bender, having gotten plastered alone last night while my girlfriend slept next to me. I'm riddled with anxiety, freaking out about money and life and everything weighing on me all at once, quite near hyperventilating. The house is quiet, but inside of my skull is the rap-tap-tapping of noise, constant and unabating.

I broke the shit out of my phone, which just stopped working tonight. I can't afford to fix it. One of my jobs DEPENDS on me having that. Or at least accessing my schedules. I'm broke and exhausted. I work so many jobs, one of which is my passion and love. Performing music takes up the majority of my time but it pays so little, having to pump everything into the group. I bartend three places and work at a goddamn sandwich shop. I'm trying to make everything work but it's tough and I don't know how to deal with actually *feeling*. I'm overwhelmed and fucking losing my mind, it feels like.

How do you all do it? How do "regular" people just do this? Just live? Why am I so freaking broken and unstable? I want to put on a pair of vodka tinted glasses and lay face-down on a cocaine pillow, pure as the driven snow. How the FUCK do I keep myself from snapping? Why am I feeling so wound up? The spring winds tighter and tighter and eventually that pent up energy needs to be spent somehow. Some way.

I just hope it's the right way. Sorry for the madness and ranting. Heh.