a message to you all - you can do it
Good morning SD —
On this my day of 1500 I raise my coffee in salute to you all with a simple message: you can do it. My story is your story, and so I don’t need to go into details as you all know it. I had a problem with accepting life and I turned to alcohol to avoid it. This behavior created problems, some very serious. In my case that meant marriage and health; one ending, the other very troubled. I knew I couldn’t continue with what I was doing, but I didn’t think I could stop. Through some good fortune I discovered this reddit and SMART Recovery and I began my change. I saw the badges and liked the idea of them, but those numbers - 'could I ever reach a large one?' I thought. In the beginning I felt it would be impossible. I mean, this behavior was for over half my life; how could I expect to turn away from something completely, especially something I enjoyed (well, at least the fine wine and scotch, not so much the rot gut vodka I’d turned to to keep the high going).
You know what? You find out that you can. It happens slowly and unexpectedly, but it happens. You make a change, you find you don’t need that night cap, and you wake the next morning feeling a bit better. Your number goes up. You make another change, you find you are generally more pleasant around people and you are less argumentative. Your number keeps climbing. Soon you are into double-digits and thinking you might be moving forward. Something happens and you revisit the bottle, and the next day you realize what a mistake that was. Damn; why did I do that? Reset the counter. Ugh; can this really be possible, you wonder; how did those folks get their counter so high? But you saddle up and ride again, determined to make it this time.
Somewhere along the line it sticks. You go from 3 to 19 to 123 and you don’t look back. One day, with much work under your belt you wake up and see a milestone number. It can be anything - an anniversary, a meaningful date, whatever — sometime a number will show and it will be meaningful to you and you’ll notice it more that day than others. You’ll look behind and wonder at the person you used to be, and how you don’t feel like them any more.
Life is good, people of SD, and each and every one of you are for being here. I wish you well in your journey, and I know you can do it. It is OK to stumble; it is part of the process. Your number is what it is. Wherever it is, it is a good number. honor it, because it is a commitment to yourself. Keep believing and keep trying for one day you will make it where you thought you’d never be.
Love yourself and peace to you, Mindful_Positivist
(and yes, I chose that user name after I made the decision to change. It was part of my transformation. No, I was neither mindful nor a positivist when I was a drunk; so very much the opposite)