I guess I have a problem. Again.

In college, I started drinking heavily, and when I'd get to a certain point, I would be angry and take it out on whoever was near.

But that went away. The last few years, even when hammered, I would still be happy. Maybe too raunchy, but never mean.

And now the meanness is back. The past few months, I've been going through shit, and it's taken its toll. I've had a few drunk nights where I've had regrets, but last night takes the cake. I was mean and angry with my best friend and another very close friend. I had a right to be, but I conveyed everything in such a shitty manner. And I hate myself for it. I could have gone to sleep and discussed it today. Or stopped drinking last night and talked about it while more sober.

I've never really thought drinking has gotten in the way of me being happy, but it has. And it's way too obvious now.

The problem is that I'm a really fun drunk. Everyone loves drunk me. Except last night. Except when I lose control.

I've tried to put a limit on myself before, and with decent success. At least until failure. But maybe talking to you all will help me never reach failure again.

I'm going to promise to all of you, to myself, to my friends, that I will never have more than 3 drinks (6 shots worth) in one night. I've found that that is my point of no return. And I will never cross it again. Not if my first drink was at 3pm and I'm hanging out with friends later. Not if I had a bad day. Not if I had an exceptional day. Not if everyone else is hammered. Not ever.

This is it. I'm taking my stand.