Man am I having a hard time....

A hard time? Don't we all have a hard time struggling EVERY SINGLE DAY? Especially with this drinking nonsense. I've read a great book (This Naked Mind) that helps me understand what this addiction is all about. I'm in the middle of reading another book (Quit Drinking Without Willpower by Allen Carr) that will hopefully show me the way to freedom.

I'm not expecting the information in these books to just fix everything. I absolutely know there's work involved. As a matter of fact I tried AA for almost two years.

Got a sponsor, read the "big book" and actually ended up despising it because of the people. Got through some of the hardest steps admitting to my sponsor all the wrong things I've done to other people in my life. After all that I still didn't feel any better. Couldn't wait to drink again.

So here we are. There are days when I just can't wait to get a drink. However, after reading This Naked Mind I went 3 full weeks without a single drop of alcohol. Went through a very bad bender right before that, but after, it was so easy not to drink or even think about it. I was working on a project for my son who was in Georgia with his grandparents. My wife was there too obviously.

I literally had all the free time I could have ever wanted to just get hammered and sit around doing nothing, but I didn't. I enjoyed being sober, thinking clearly, making good decisions, building a simple wooden rack so he could show off his toys on a display I built by hand.

Was the display rack perfect in the end? HELL NO! Was it something I've never done by myself that served it's purpose? HELL YES!

So my fellow drinkers, strugglers, lurkers (that only read and never post because that's totally me), am I hopeless? I honestly feel like I can do this. I think I can add that badge next to my username and it can be more than 2 days. I think I can read through these other posts and give something back. I think I can do this. This sub has been so much more inspirational than AA ever was. The stories I read are remarkable. I just want one of them to be mine.

EDIT: I have to admit that I drank tonight and last night