Struggling EVERY SINGLE DAY

I sure wish I could even get one week. I know what I need to do, I know I have the tools to do it, but for some reason the easiest way out is just to end everything. As supportive and helpful my wife has been I continue to let her down over and over and over and over again. My son just turned 10. I continue to drink and that's the one thing I never wanted to teach him to do or have him experience. I grew up around drinking, drugging, and partying. I wanted so much to keep my son away from that yet here I am being the one to show him this dispcable behavior. I've already wrote him a letter if I decide to take the easy way out and end this.

However, I know I'm stronger than that. I know I can get past the issues I have and my wife has with my drinking. I've fucked up so many times I've easily lost count. But, I don't give up easily. I know there's an answer out there for me and I know I'll get it. Tried AA and that was NOT for me. I research and try to find anything else out there that can help.

This sub has been amazing and supportive. I drank tonight AGAIN. I don't want to drink anymore and I will put full focus on stopping the "monster". Tomorrow IWNDWY