I want to be 12 again

I recently turned 43 years old and I'm to the point that drinking doesn't really do anything for me anymore unless I black out so it's just a boring task at this point.

Imma bout to kick this shit to the curb and get back to enjoying what life was like when I was 12 years old. All I cared about was riding my bike to a friend's house, run around in the woods, play video games, or play with my radio controlled cars.

Just found a Hobby store right near I work so I can get my radio controlled truck fixed, my 10 year old boy loves riding his bike and we just bought a new bike for my wife, we have 3 Nintendo Switches and an Xbox One S, AND we have a tent that I could set up anywhere. Hell, I've camped out in our backyard before with my boy and he loved it.

Have to reset my days AGAIN, but it's always going to be one day at a time. One hour at a time or even one minute at a time. I know and understand what alcohol is and has done to me but I will always move forward.

Even if moving forward means thinking backwards. I AM NOT POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL AND ALCOHOL DOES NOT CONTROL ME.

Although I have continued to drink I know I'm on the right path to a fantastic and sober lifestyle. Anyone else struggling with this must understand that YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL.

Alcohol is an addictive drug and can do the same thing it does to you as well as any other human being on this planet. I hate that I'm still drinking after gaining so much knowledge about alcohol, but I'm human and I fuck up.

When I fall, I will pick my ass up, put one foot in front of the other, and WILL NOT BEAT MYSELF UP. I will move forward.