Here I Go Again

I’ve struggled with alcohol my whole life. I can “moderate” at times but then it all goes out the window. Total blackout drinker. I have had different amounts of time sober. 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 1.5 years. I always drink again. The last time I drank for 2 years straight everyday. I just had a month and now I have drank again. I’ve lost everything I love because of alcohol. I’m really not sure what the next move is for me, the depression and the consequences, shame, and guilt feels like a fucking Boulder on my back. Anyways thanks for listening.