I Am Worth It. I Think. Maybe Not. Ugh.

It’s hard to hear the things that I do when I drink. The things I say and don’t remember. My horrible, embarrassing actions. The people I have hurt. How am I supposed to forgive myself for that? Do I deserve forgiveness? Do I deserve love? Do I deserve to get better? I fucking hate drinking. I hate alcohol. I am 5 days sober. Please just give me some hope.