I want to quit

I'm 30 and I've been drinking non stop for two years aside for the days that I'm broke. Today's a broke day. I drink to try to chill out my ptsd but it's ruining me. My girl left me because I was starting to become a dick head asshole for no reason when I drink. We were together for 5 years. I'm crushed so I want just want to drink more. It's a bad spiral. I also noticed it's fucking up my memory and reasoning even in the sober parts. I feel like shit and I'm sad as fuck. I want her back. I want to be someone she wants. Not whatever I am now. I don't know. I don't have any questions. I just wanted that off my chest. Nice to be here.